Sex and Dating.

Layabout · Thu 15/04/2004 20:02:14

The idea for this thread came from some of the veteran AGSers being nostalgic and browsing the old Ezboard forums. There was a rather interesting thread on the topic of sex.

For those who are interested, here it is: 'When was the last time you had sex?'

It would be interesting to see how much has changed in people's opinions on the topic. People change their outlook on many topics as they grow older, for better or worse. And for the newer members, it would be interesting to hear your opinions as well.

In the last few years, many people are using alternatives to the traditional way of meeting the opposite sex by use of Internet dating sites, as opposed to going to bars/clubs or 'hooking up' with a friend of a friend. Opinions on the changing face of dating would be great as well. Experience with dating sites, if you have any, would be awesome.

So there, you have the subject, now discuss.

I will add my input on the topic, but I am tired right now.

*Disclaimer* Try to keep it mature, no boasting, and if you are under 16, be sensible. No whinging about being a virgin please, it gets old quick.

Haddas · Thu 15/04/2004 20:08:08

I have yet to find the woman of my dreams.(,A woman that does not laugh at my figure).

Ishmael · Thu 15/04/2004 20:13:07

Do you know the feeling you get when a girl (who you've last time seen like one and a half year ago) pulls your sleeve saying "Yes you come to drink coffee" with that certain tone?

Moresco · Thu 15/04/2004 20:29:49

Well I'm married, but I have strange views on sex and dating because I'm a christian. I don't believe in sex before marriage. I met my wife on the internet though, I think the internet can be a good thing if you use it wisely. My friend dates constantly on sites like www.match.com. He's had quite a bit of success, if you're viewing success in the fact that he's getting sex....but he just goes from girl to girl so what's the point(right I mean aside from sex)? He told me though, that it was the best 25 bucks(I forget the cost but around 25, maybe it's less, maybe it's more) that he ever spent. ^^

Speed dating sounds bizarre. Somebody mentioned Oxygen Dating to me once, no clue what that's supposed to be. I don't have any experiences or know of any, maybe somebody else does...

foz · Thu 15/04/2004 20:36:26

i met my wife in the good old fashioned way......going to a smoky pub and getting drunk.....then i saw her thru the clouds of smoke........waited til end of nite so i did`nt have to buy her a drink.....approach and ask her out........

Getting drunk helps when they say no.......cause you don`t care...

As for not having sex before marriage........get serious.....try before you buy.........you don`t buy a car till you give it a test drive...

shbaz · Thu 15/04/2004 20:44:20

Quote from: foz on Thu 15/04/2004 20:36:26try before you buy.........you don`t buy a car till you give it a test drive...

I don't know why people say that so much, a woman isn't like a car. If you're marrying for good sex then you're marrying for the wrong reason and it isn't going to last, or if it does, it will be miserable. The people with the best sexual relationships are the ones who believe it to be the least important aspect of the relationship.

I suppose I don't have the experience to say, but I arrived at this conclusion by watching marriages crumble because of poor friendships. The ones that didn't crumble were actually interestingly enough mostly ugly people.. When you disregard looks then only the personality shows through and they married for the right reasons.

... I guess continuing the car symbolism, how often do people keep their (new) cars for more than 8 years.. and used cars?

foz · Thu 15/04/2004 22:35:23

shbazjinkens :

The point is sex is quite a big part of any relationship....and marrying someone you don`t know in a intimate way is a bad idea if you ask me...

The car metaphor was to try a make the point..

I have been with my wife 11 years we only got married last june......

Thats a long time to wait.......with no sex

Where as the christian man will probaly get married inside six months so he can get his leg over.......

And not get to know the person before making the commitment.

i talk from my expierence.....
I did`nt get married or have a baby before i was ready.

rodekill · Thu 15/04/2004 22:51:49

Foz is right.
Thinking that love will conquer all and crap is nothing but idealistic romantic fantasy.
If you marry someone without knowing them intimately, you're taking a huge gamble. Sex is a giant part of a relationship.
Same goes for marrying without living with the person first. A lot changes when you live with someone. I have a friend who got married and separated within a few months because of this, and I was in a long term relationship that changed drastically when we moved in together.
I'm not saying that romance is dead or anything (I'm a hopeless romantic myself), but those old-fashioned views just aren't realistic.

Archangel (aka SoupDragon) · Thu 15/04/2004 23:21:37

I totally respect someone who will wait until they fall in love to have sex- they want to keep sex as something special, and that's cool. But marriage is just a technicality; why on earth wait until you're married to consummate your love? Show your partner how much they mean to you, the good old fashioned way ^_^

Me? I just can't get any :o

shbaz · Thu 15/04/2004 23:24:31

Living with someone is a different story, little pet peeves can drive you insane, but sorry, sex isn't that important to me. Maybe I'm a defect or something. Sex can cloud judgement and keep terrible relationships going for years before they end in one terrible explosion. My mother and father married so they could have sex, and after 25 years my brothers and I were forced to live in a split family. Maybe that affects my point of view a lot. If you've been together for a year or more and haven't had sex yet with no major relationship problems, then it can't really hurt much, that I'm not debating.

Archangel (aka SoupDragon) · Thu 15/04/2004 23:34:56

Surely it's the other way around? I mean, if two people never have sex then there's always gonna be a tension there that will cloud their judgement; whereas if they get it all over and done with then the air will be clear of hormones for a bit so they can see whether they really do like each other or not.

Meowster · Thu 15/04/2004 23:40:41

I think waiting before marriage to have sex is stupid. I think having sex left right and centre is just as stupid, although more satisfying.

I say if you love a person, judge for yourself when is the right time.

m0ds · Fri 16/04/2004 00:51:52

The long and short of it; Underage sex is wrong, like underage drinking and smoking. Sex before marriage IMHO is fine. Do whatever is right for you and your partner. Personally, I'd rather have sex with someone I love rather than someone I only just met. Where there's love, there's passion - and when there's passion there's a much better ride.

And I still hate teenage pregnancy. Ick. And sex does still sell. Its in our faces 24/7, magazines, TV, radio, films... Ugh.

shbaz · Fri 16/04/2004 00:53:56

Quote from: Ami on Thu 15/04/2004 23:40:41I say if you love a person, judge for yourself when is the right time.

I agree with the first part of what you said, but the people who I'm thinking of (who will have terrible relationships based only on their sexual attraction to each other) aren't capable of judging when the proper time is, they just want sex.

It's not so simple as yes or no.. I probably couldn't fit all of my thoughts on this in a book, because there are so many factors.

LordHart · Fri 16/04/2004 01:15:12

Quote from: m0ds on Fri 16/04/2004 00:51:52
The long and short of it; Underage sex is wrong, like underage drinking and smoking.

I think its pretty bad that people are having sex earlier and earlier in life. In my final year of high school, one of my friends younger brother who was just starting had sex with someone his age... they were 12... how sick is that? What is the point of even having sex at that age? You've got nothing that special in your pants, and either will your partner...

Peter Thomas · Fri 16/04/2004 01:46:15

I agree 100% with Moresco. My belief is sex before marriage is wrong. That's a biblical thing, and also an issue of trust.

If people don't agree with it, that's fine by me, but I do get a little annoyed when people post "that's just stupid" and "you're wrong" and "that's just crap speak for 'I can't get any' ". If you want to brag about how you're morally superior to me, pm me and do it in private.

If I'm going to respect other people's rights to get bonked until the cows come home (which I do), I'd appreciate a little of the same respect in return.....

(Not directed at anyone in particular, and not a flame. Just a general observation from various responses)...

Harvester · Fri 16/04/2004 01:59:53

Very interesting topic, and some very very very nice answers

I totally agree with Moresco and Peter Thomas - I don't believe in premarital sex.

Domino · Fri 16/04/2004 02:09:54

I've heard from a lot of married couples, that once you get married, the sex stops. So might as well get it before you get married.

Once you say I Do, she says I Don't.

Nacho · Fri 16/04/2004 02:11:59

Many people thinks that sex is as important as love in couples...

So, some people here wants to go to the marriage, the most sacred (IMO) issue we're going to face in our life without going that it's going to work?

That's a sin... And the worst of all is that people who does not have relations before marriage have such a degree of beliefs that they won't divorce even if their sexual life (consequently their marriage) is a failure... ergo, they condemn theirselfs and their couple to a life of frustrations and sadness... That's the sin, ladies and gentlemen, not following the rules that a jewish sheeperd wrote 3,000 years ago.

Religion is good... as a philosophy... as a reference... But its not a legal stuff. If you have problems with your concience for having relations before marriage, sit and think if you want to incurr in such risk to face marriage without having all the informationn you need.

shbaz · Fri 16/04/2004 02:59:48

Last week a girl was telling me about how she is going to Vegas after finals week to get married to a guy she's been dating for four months.. just to say she did it. She declared that she wasn't sure when the divorce would happen, or if it would happen for sure. She might get an annulment.. because she doesn't really want to do it for life right now. So why the hell is she getting married? Beats me.. Some people just don't care.

I guess I should mention I also don't care what anyone else does, it's just my personal view that it's not the best thing to do, and certainly a lot more complex than "trying out the car."