Messages

I remember intending to ask Wyz for a copy of the agsjoy source but for some reason I didn't get around to it.  If he's around I'm sure someone can get him to release it.

What are you doing in Australialand, Grundislav?

Watch out for all the poisonous critters!

Anyone want a steam key for darksiders?  I loathe the game but got it with some other thq crap.  First person to pm me a request will get it.

I wish you could give steam games away that you've already played and have no interest in anymore.  I'd gladly give someone my slightly used duke nukem forever.

I mean just as a simple example Ctrl+Z, which is Undo in every Windows program I know, in PM it's not.

I love the interface for Pro Motion, it's slick and to the point.  And apparently you didn't know (so I'm educating you) that you can remap every control to a key of your choice via the preferences.

Yes it is Black Moon Rising.  I don't have time to scan all the pages for repeat films so I had no idea this was a target before.

Limpingfish, the next turn is yours.

Turbo pressure....IGNITION!

And behind door #1:  CERTAIN DEATH!




Let's start things off with a bang!

Uh....American Graffiti?

Looks like one of those Turbulence turd films to me...I remember the landing on a building scene, at any rate.

[The Picture of Dorian Gray]

Satanic Rites of Dracula didn't have people staring at paintings!  This looks like The Picture of Dorian Gray to me (based on the actor).

This is clearly a deleted scene from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure where the dudes and Rufus smoke some spliffs and visit faery tale land.  Keanu, as Dan points out, is riding a Wyld Stallion...what more proof do you need?

Yeah, I was going to say Tucker and Dale because of the scene with the sheriff going into the house and having the beam come down and hit him in the head .

Best wrong answer: Twin Peaks.

Worst wrong answer: Looks Polish.


Let the games begin.

With great boredom comes great possibility.



And now, boobies!

[Savage]

As a bad film veteran, that is clearly Olivier Gruner, who has made so many sci-fi flops that I couldn't count them on five hands.


It could be Mercenary, it could even be Automatic....but I'm going to go with Savage.

It's not from Retro Puppetmaster is it? 

[bad]

Battle Beyond the Stars was hardly horrible, it had quite a list of solid actors (George Peppard as a literal space cowboy!) and a pretty big budget for the time.  Galactica 1980 wasn't even that bad.  Apparently you haven't seen bad sci-fi so I'll give you some advice:

What Reb Brown does for bad action films he double-does for bad sci-fi films.  Have a look at Robowar sometime, which is quite literally a combination of terminator and Predator into some kind of dirty, italian gemstone full of ridiculousness.  Even though IMDB lists it as action/adventure (and comedy for some stupid reason), it's as sci-fi as Terminator was if a humanoid robot walking around killing people is sci-fi.

Did you make a list somewhere?

No, but once upon a time I did reviews for a horror movie website under the name 'The Tallman'.


I can give you a quick short-list of things that will make your hair explode, though:

Lady Terminator (aka Pembalasan ratu pantai selatan).  Hard to find but worth a watch if you can get it.  Basically it's a mish-mash of Indonesian mythology and The Terminator, in that some hapless history student has a super-eel penetrate her vagina and it turns her into a killing machine.  Complete with an almost line for line ripoff from the dance club scene in Terminator (ending in 'Come with me if you want to live!') it's one of those movies that drifts from hilarious to offensive and back again.  It's not terribly 'scary' or 'gruesome', but it's interesting because it's so bad.

Barn of the Blood Llama.  Now this one takes some doing to sit through, and I won't hold it against anyone who pussies out and shuts the movie off at the 25 minute mark.  Basically some backwater hicks are genetically engineering the llamas and things go terribly wrong...that is, until some horny chicks arrive, their menstrual cycle being the only thing that stands between Earth and total Llama destruction.  DVD version had some horribly made pre-movie 'adverts' to try and sell this as drive-in fodder.

Monsturd.  Exactly as advertised, a SHITMAN named Schmitt 'reeks' havoc on the small town of Butte County, the creation of mad scientist Dr. Stern from Dutech (are you getting the crap-puns yet?).  Aside from directors Rick Popko and Dan West (the two deputies) the acting is across-the-board horrible, to the point where Paul Wiener (the sheriff) looks like he's reading from cue cards at several points.  Acting aside, there's a buttload of poop jokes and brown slime in this intentionally bad film.  I don't know whether that disqualifies it but consider that Popko and West had the monster balls to actually make a sequel to this film called Retardead.  Yeah, they did that.

[terrible]

I'm beginning to suspect that Ponch exclusively watches terrible action films, which is okay since I almost exclusively watch terrible horror films.

Dear God, you sat through this movie?  This one scene makes me wonder how it was ever funded.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fvni9KbZfoo

The main character and the Japanese dude's line delivery is the worst I've heard in a long time.  Of course, it's nothing compared with Troll 2 but then what is?

I think you deserve TWO turns for suffering through Samurai Cop...maybe three.